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You can’t imagine…

Ive been writing this little by little its a bit crazy. 

What I have been through today. I dont want this on facebook and I just need to get it out. 

I just read Austin’s news story… They called him a man. He was a man. Barely a man. I miss him. I wish I could have seen him one last time but God needed him in heaven. 

I keep replaying what the wreck must have been like. I hope it was instant like they said… 

I remember everyone calling me last night. My dad called and asked if I was okay around 7:00 or so and told me that Austin was missing… “Had you heard from him?” I said “no I havent” so I texted Austin “Im worried about ya” because Manda told me he was missing too. The storms came through and papaw called around 9 to see if I was ok. He didn’t say anything about Austin. 

I then got a phone call from my momma. 

She was hysterical. Said they found him dead. 

I broke down… I had no idea how much it was going to hurt. I cried and cried. I said no it can’t be. It was a sick dream. 

I drove home today. Saw my family, my pastor, my dad, my stepmom, everyone, before my aunt got home. 

When she got home no one could hold it in. It was hard. Just hard. The house had a permanent heavyness in it you couldn’t shake.

Us cousins were tight. We were brothers and sisters, best friends. Austin was an only child and he only had us. He was like a brother to amanda. We were so tight knit. Every sunday we had dinner at grandmas whether you could make it or not it still went on. 

We used to sing on the swingset as little kids. Singing Jesus Loves me and B.I.B.L.E. even the Pokemon theme song. We used to play rocketpower on grandmas couch, we used to ride fourwheelers together and go karts, I used to go to his baseball games, go to VBS with him… 

I had no Idea how hard this was going to be. 

I had no Idea how hard that visitation would be… He was so peaceful… I held grandmas hand the entire time. It really freaked me out. He was so close yet he was gone… It was like looking at a wax statue… His eyes were closed. I wish I didn’t see him… But Im glad I did at the same time. 

Gaylene couldnt get his pictures for the slideshow together… It still seems like a dream still but I grabbed Manda an we pulled out every photo deal we could find and pulled the best pictures. We had so many with his perfect smile. I will remember him that way His beautiful smile. His perfect smile. His funny jokes. Emily came over and we started talking about him. About when the pictures were taken what we remembered from that day. Coby came over and all four of us looked through the ones we picked out. 

We shouldnt have had to do that. There shouldnt be four of us… There needs to be five. Five grandkids for grandma and papaw. There were four before Emily was born. Emmy Made five… I want us five back. The entire time at my aunts I was thinking someone was missing… But it was who we lost… 

Theres only four of us now. 

We picked out songs. See you when I see you, In Color, Blackbird, I can only imagine, Theres a few more but I dont remember. I hope he likes them. 

Manda and I sneaked outside to watch his news story… We didn’t want the family to see it on the big tv so we watched it on our phone. He was handsome. They called him a man. 

I just read his obituary… 

I just want him back. I want his jokes, his teasings, his smile, his voice. I just want him back. 

It was a freak accident. It shouldnt have happened. Not to us. Not us. 

I just want to cry

bedussey:

dootzy:

this video will make your day better

hOLY HSIT

Twas the Night Without Internet.

Twas the night without internet and all through the house

all the college studens were crying, clutching their mouse.

Clutching their routers tight they all prayed for internet as they went to bed that night.

The students were nestled snug in their bed

with visions of tumbler and facebook in their head. 

with modem off and the router quiet

with no youtube making a riot. 

And all of a sudden what is that I see? One bar of wifi blinking at me!

They all sprang up alert in their heads

quick grab the netflix! or I need my horoscope read!

Quick as a flash they scattered to their macs

they threw up their screens and eyes glued fast. 

Now hulu, Now netflix, Now facebook and twitter 

On Tumblr, on netnetflix, on college humor dot com!

To the webs of the internet, To the top of ebay!

Now type! Type away!

clicking and typing and scrolling with doubt 

their  fingers dash the keyboard with no erasing. 

A new trend was starting!

Some one was gaming!

Some of this dosen’t make sense, it may not even rhyme but its a start! Adam and I just made it up. We wont have internet tomorrow… for a while!

:(

hickitty: clarkkftw: I’ve seen a lot of posts on my dash tonight about users who are threatening suicide, with other Tumblr members posting in effort to try to get ahold of them. I think you all should see this: IF THERE IS EVER A TUMBLR USER WHO HAS POSTED A GOOD-BYE MESSAGE, SUICIDE NOTE, VIDEO, OR ANYTHING OF THE SORT, PLEASE FOLLOW THIS POST. 1. Scroll to the top of your dashboard. 2. See the circular question mark icon at the top? It’s the third one over from your home symbol. Click on that, and a screen similar to the one in the picture will come up. 3. Where you can type in questions, the box with the magnifying glass at the top, type in the word “suicide.” 4. Click on the first link that shows up. It should say, “Pass the URL of the blog on to us.” 5. Type in the user’s URL and tell Tumblr admin that the user is contemplating suicide and has posted a message indicating that they are going through with it or will be attempting. Hit send! Tumblr administration will perform a number of actions to contact the user and take the necessary steps to prevent the suicide. TUMBLR: THIS COULD SAVE A USER’S LIFE. PLEASE DO NOT IGNORE SUICIDE THREATS. Reblog this to keep other users aware. Suicide isn’t a joke, and neither is someone’s life. If you didn’t know this, someone else may not, either. Pass it on. Seriously considering uninstalling missing e so I can do this…
Zoom

hickitty:

clarkkftw:

I’ve seen a lot of posts on my dash tonight about users who are threatening suicide, with other Tumblr members posting in effort to try to get ahold of them. I think you all should see this:

IF THERE IS EVER A TUMBLR USER WHO HAS POSTED A GOOD-BYE MESSAGE, SUICIDE NOTE, VIDEO, OR ANYTHING OF THE SORT, PLEASE FOLLOW THIS POST.

1. Scroll to the top of your dashboard.

2. See the circular question mark icon at the top? It’s the third one over from your home symbol. Click on that, and a screen similar to the one in the picture will come up.

3. Where you can type in questions, the box with the magnifying glass at the top, type in the word “suicide.”

4. Click on the first link that shows up. It should say, “Pass the URL of the blog on to us.”

5. Type in the user’s URL and tell Tumblr admin that the user is contemplating suicide and has posted a message indicating that they are going through with it or will be attempting. Hit send! Tumblr administration will perform a number of actions to contact the user and take the necessary steps to prevent the suicide.

TUMBLR: THIS COULD SAVE A USER’S LIFE. PLEASE DO NOT IGNORE SUICIDE THREATS.

Reblog this to keep other users aware. Suicide isn’t a joke, and neither is someone’s life. If you didn’t know this, someone else may not, either. Pass it on.

Seriously considering uninstalling missing e so I can do this…
To Tumblr, Love Pixel Union